A few life lessons along the way.

I usually only write blog updates when I’m in a particularly happy/inspired mood. But I decided that this is not the most accurate picture of my South African adventure. So instead I am writing today on a rainy day when I am in a frustrated/overwhelmed mood. Today I found out that my research proposal was turned down at the hospital at which I had planned to interview nurses. I’m looking at the impact of the nursing shortage on HIV/AIDS care for my masters’ thesis. Now getting turned down at the hospital may not seem like a big deal, but after spending 5 months on literature research and 3 months getting research approval from both the university and the Department of Health, it’s a VERY frustrating roadblock, as I now have to either reapply to the Department of Health to do the research at another hospital, or find some inventive way of contacting nurses by going around the hospital administration (an ethically questionable endeavor). It’s made all the more frustrating by the fact that their reason for turning down the proposal was not the content of the proposal, but rather that they just have too much research going on at the hospital and don’t have time for any more. Now I wanted to scream at them “YOU don’t have time?! YOU will not be doing the research! I’M the one who doesn’t have time! And now YOU’VE wasted MY time!” But instead I smiled politely and thanked them for their time.

While this is a decidedly bad-mood post, I know better than to dwell on the negative. After finding out about this latest roadblock in my research, my first instinct was to call it quits and declare that this is just too hard. I even looked longingly at the lonely suitcase waiting patiently in my closet and pictured myself throwing all of my belongings in it, buying an airplane ticket to Rochester, and waving goodbye to Durban. After all, I could be home in less than 24 hours if I so desired… But I’m a Gentile and Gentile’s don’t quit. Well, sometimes Gentiles quit musical instruments or hobbies, but they don’t quit serious things like this. So instead I took a bubble bath, drank a cup of tea, and decided to look at the bright side. Because it really isn’t all that bad. And therefore I am turning my lemons into lemonade and making a list of the nine lessons that I’ve learned in the past nine months. No, things are not always easy and they are not always perfect, but it is through the challenges that we become stronger and through the challenges that we learn the most worthwhile lessons.

1. Living simply is not easy.

Yesterday I opened my closet and let out a loud, annoyed sigh because I do NOT want to wear any of the ten shirts that I have been wearing over and over again for the last nine months. And some mornings I don’t want to walk the 30 minutes (uphill, mind you) to school. Can’t I just call a cab instead?! Sometimes I think wistfully of my lonely car sitting in the garage back home and of my unlimited access to internet and to a washer and a dryer. And a dishwasher and a microwave! Oh the luxuries. While I certainly am not living in poverty here, there are certain luxuries which I have learned to live without. But sometimes this spoilt American girl gets a little sick of it. I admit it, living simply (in material terms at least) may not be my thing after all.

2. I’m stupid.

I have learned since I’ve been here that it’s often more important to shut up and listen than it is to talk. In my classes I am surrounded by students who have worked for the government of Lesotho or the finance minister of Malawi. People who were raised in rural villages without electricity, where their fathers had not one, but multiple wives. People who have lived in several countries. People who have 2 or 3 other masters degrees already. While yes, I have my own contributions and talents to share, it is important to remember how much I can learn and that everyone else knows more than I do.

3. The answer is always yes (well, within reason).

No matter how tired I am or how much work I have to do, I try to take every opportunity for adventure or new experience that I can. How does that quote go? Something along the lines of “You will not regret the things you have done, but rather the things you have failed to do.” Yea, something like that. For instance, I may have had to stay up late writing a paper the other night because I spent the weekend with my homestay family in the township, but I would say it was worth the loss of sleep.

4. 23 is very young.

I sometimes get overwhelmed because I’m 23 and still don’t know exactly what I want to do with my life. Or for that matter, exactly what I want to do next year. But I have learned that I am still very young and have endless possibilities ahead of me. And this means that it is completely and absolutely okay if I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life. It’s the twists, turns, roadblocks, and bumps that make the journey so exciting.

5. I’m very lucky.

This is connected to the previous point in that not many people have been as lucky as I have been in being able to see and do so much at such a young age. Even when I get frustrated and overwhelmed with my life here, I always remember what an incredible blessing it is to be here and to have these experiences.

6. I still don’t know what development is.

Now you’d think that working towards my masters’ degree in development studies for the past 9 months, I would have figured this out by now, but I haven’t. I’ve decided that there is no definition, so I work on the idea that the goal of “development” is to improve the well-being of people, working toward justice and equality. Where I fit into that, I have no idea. But as I said, I’m still young. I have time to figure it out.

7. Laugh. A lot.

There are situations here that just make no sense and all I can do is laugh and appreciate the moment for what it’s worth. Whether it be in a bar, on a bus, or in a church, I’m often the only white person and I often stick out like a sore thumb. I don’t understand all of the customs and nuances here, and will therefore continue to mess up. For example, the other day in the township, I said that I had a headache and someone offered me toothpaste. When I asked how that would help me, she explained, in entire earnestness, that putting toothpaste up your bum-hole cures all ailments. I replied that I’d rather have the headache. And so I’ve learned to take it all with a grain of salt, and laugh along.

8. There’s no hurry in South Africa (I have yet to be convinced that there is hurry anywhere in Africa for that matter)

For a very structured person who likes to plan ahead, this has been a difficult lesson to learn. But as shown by the research approval stuff, sometimes there isn’t a whole lot I can do to hurry things up. And so I will continue to wait for an hour at a bus stop. I will continue to wait in long lines at the bank. I will continue to listen to the parking guard tell me his whole life story every time I pass by him on the street. While I may be in a hurry, no one else is. So I might as well walk a little slower and listen to the parking guard’s story. Stop and smell the roses, right?

9. There’s no place like home.

When all is said and done, no one will ever replace the people from home. When I’m in a crappy mood, the best thing for me to do is to call my mom because in the end, she’s the only one who can help me make sense of life (in fact, I’m going to go call her as soon as I finish writing this). No matter how beautiful the places you visit are or how wonderful new friends are, they are not, nor will the ever be, the ones who unconditionally loved you and cared for you first.

So there you have it. A sweet glass of lemonade squeezed from some sour lemons. As my friend Amy told me in an email after she returned from a year in China, “As long as you have confidence, flexibility, and a smile, everything will work out in the end.” And so my suitcase will remain in my closet for a little bit longer.