Had I been one of those little girls who had her whole wedding planned out by the age of 8, I don't think I could have in my wildest dreams imagined that I would someday have two wedding celebrations in two different languages, two different cultures, two different continents.
Our "white wedding" (this is what South Africans call the church wedding) took place in Rochester, NY on August 6, 2010. Langa and I agonized for the first few months of our engagement over where to have our wedding. Unfortunately, there was no possible solution that would incorporate all of our friends and families and cultural traditions in one location and one ceremony. In the end, we decided to have the white wedding in the US, followed by a traditional ceremony in South Africa. This seemed to be the best way to include as many of our loved ones as possible and also incorporate as many of our individual traditions as possible.
After a few months of long distance wedding planning (with much assistance from my amazing parents and sisters), Langa and I travelled to Rochester for our wedding, along with Langa's best friend Champ, his Aunt Sane, and his cousin Londi and her husbnad Sbu. The week before the wedding was a whirlwind of preparations. The day of the wedding was absolutely amazing and more perfect than Langa and I could have ever imagined.
The ceremony was perfect, filled with memorable readings and songs. There is a South African song called "Ndihamba Nawe" by Mafikizolo. It means "I'm going with you" and is often used in South African weddings. our wonderful friend Dave agreed to compose the song for his band (The Dave Savine Quartet) from listening to it on youtube, and our equally wonderful friend Jessie agreed to sing the Xhosa lyrics to the song. It was simply amazing and the perfect way to end our ceremony. It was such a joyful, wonderful day and we felt incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by so many amazing people who love and support us. And more than anything else, we had so much fun! Langa and I really felt so grateful to have friends and family join us from all over the country, and in fact from all over the world, to mark the beginning of our new journey together.
Fast forward one week and we were on a different continent heading to another wedding ceremony. The ceremony in Zulu is called ukugenisa umakoti ekhaya, which means "welcoming the bride home." Symbolically, it is the ceremony in which the groom's family welcomes his new wife into their family. Although Langa's family has always been incredibly welcoming and I've felt a part of the family for a while now, this was the day when I officially became a part of the Mchunu family.
As we drove up to Langa's mom's house in Umlazi (where the ceremony took place) I started panicking, saying to Langa "I can't do this! I don't want to get out of the car!" I was so nervous to participate in this ceremony which I didn't fully understand and didn't fully know what to expect. But slowly slowly as I exited the car, I started to see familiar faces. Several of my colleagues from work and several of my close friends were there. And Langa's granny came up to the car and took my hand. Langa's niece, who was acting as our flower girl, came to lead me to the tent. Langa's mother and aunt gave me hugs. Other family members came and greeted me as well. Everyone was singing a traditional Zulu wedding song and dancing. Truly, I felt welcomed into their home.
One of the traditions related to the ceremony was that I was meant to lead a goat to the house, and then it would be slaughtered in the backyard by Langa's older male relatives as a symbolic offering to the ancestors, letting them know that I am part of the family now. Rather than leading it (it was a very resistant goat... perhaps it knew what was coming), I just touched the rope, thus symbolically having a part in leading it to the house.
We then settled into a stunningly decorated tent. I must give props to Langa's mom who has an impeccable sense of style. She helped pick out the design for my dress for the traditional ceremony (which I love and hope to find an opportunity to wear again). She also had the tent in her front yard decorated beautifully. There were several speeches; one by the master of ceremonies (a male relative of Langa's) and by an elder in the family (Baba Mchunu) who led the traditional parts of the day. There was also a speech by the reverend who led us in our pre-marital counselling prior to the wedding and is also a relative of Langa's. He also had us renew our vows, which was very special because then our South African friends and family got to hear us say our "I do's." Other relatives spoke, including Langa's aunt and granny. Most of it was in English, but the bits that were in Zulu were translated for my benefit and for the benefit of other non-Zulu speaking guests. The speeches were broken up by outbursts of song and dance.
One of my favorite lines from the speeches was when Baba Mchunu said that Mchunu men can be difficult and stubborn and they sometimes misbehave. But one thing he knows for sure, is that when it comes time to pick out a wife, Mchunu men have very good taste. And they always select a very good woman, and a very tall woman. All of our guests got a good laugh out of this. I have to admit I'm a good head taller than most South African women, and many South African men as well for that matter. There's one picture from the ceremony where I'm walking into the tent, surrounded by people, and I look like a giant. One of my friends said "wow you must have had tall heels on!" I was wearing flats.
Following speeches and dinner, Baba Mchunu took the gall bladder from the slaughtered goat and placed a dot of its bile on my forehead, my thumbnails, and my toes. This was the culmination of the ceremony and was the official welcoming of me into the family and introducing me to the ancestors as a Mchunu. As I looked out at the crowd gathered, all of them smiling at me, I have to admit I was a bit overcome with emotion. When I think of the person I was when I first came to South Africa in 2005, when I returned in 2007, when I met Langa in 2007... it is amazing to think of the person I am now. Not to say that I have changed drastically, but rather to recognize the amount that I Have learned and grown. The amount that I have been challenged. The amount of love that I have experienced. It is truly stunning.
Langa and I both feel very grateful to have such wonderful, loving families on both sides of the world. It's really quite incredible to have families that are so accepting and that have welcomed us into their lives so warmly. And our two perfect wedding ceremonies demonstrated this for us.
Now we are settling into married life. I'm getting used to being Jaime Mchunu (I googled it and I think I'm the only person ever to have the name Jaime Mchunu). We are holding off on a honeymoon for now, although we did spend a 12 hour lay-over in Cairo on the way back to SA from the US. We got to see the pyramids and the Sphinx, and even got to ride camels. Not a bad mini-moon if you ask me.And now, I've had my dream weddings that I never could have dreamt up in my wildest dreams. We're looking forward to the adventures that marriage has in store for us and the journeys that we'll take together. And we couldn't be happier.
