I like books. They have clear beginnings, middles, and ends. In the introduction, you meet the characters and are introduced to the plot. In the middle you get the juicy stuff: the action, the adventure, and the climax. Then in the end, it all wraps up, usually with a lesson learned and a sense of hope for the future. If it’s a good book, it will leave you somehow changed; your perspective somehow altered.
It would be nice if life fell into this neat formation as well… If every chapter of our lives had introductions so we knew what to expect, and a clear plot line with consistent characters and often predictable actions. And then of course it would always end nicely wrapped up, with clear conclusions to be drawn and a moral to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Often over the past 14 months here I have felt like a character in a novel. I’m the young, naïve American girl who moved to Africa (the book would leave it general like that, just some undefined African country) in search of adventure, hoping to find herself. She is faced with challenges and difficulties along the way, and yet she meets an incredible cast of characters, and in the end realizes that despite the adversity she has faced, she has emerged victorious. She has indeed found herself and has had the adventure of a lifetime. So in the last few pages of the novel, we see the heroine (me, of course) boarding a plane returning to New York with one suitcase in tow, perhaps with a tear rolling down her cheek as she is sad to leave her new friends and her new home, but also with a satisfied smile. Because she has seen the world and she now is filled with hope for the future. She watches the sunset over the African landscape as the plane disappears into the clouds. The end.
But unfortunately, life rarely, if ever, follows a plot line. And as far as I can tell from my short 24 years of life, there’s never a clear conclusion with warm and fuzzy lessons learned. Rather there are always unanswered questions and new challenges waiting for you when the plane lands. There are always the things you wish you had said, the experiences you wish you had taken on, and perhaps the experiences that you did take on, but wish you had experienced more fully. And I’m not sure how possible it is for our heroine to hop on that plane with so much peace in her heart, knowing that she is leaving behind people who she cares deeply about and a place which has come to be like home, but which she may never see again. Perhaps the one tear rolling down her cheek is not enough to hold all of these goodbyes.
My stay in South Africa will be coming to an end in two months. And as it creeps closer and closer, I am left reflecting on my time here, and worrying about the future. It is fascinating to me how much my experiences here have changed over the past 14 months. When I think back to where I was a year ago, I am amazed by how different my life was on a day to day basis from what it is now. The people I interact with have completely changed (aka there are few consistent side kicks in this novel) and my activities have changed completely. My priorities, my interests, even my state of mind have changed. My life here no longer feels like some crazy adventure, but rather like normal day to day life. I’m no longer a foreigner in a new land, but rather a twenty-something making her way the best she can in a city that she knows pretty well. I still go on weekend-adventures when I can (for instance I spent Easter weekend at a game park), but for the most part my life has become surprisingly very normal. I remember talking to my sister on the phone once and she said something about how crazy it is that while she’s driving to work, sipping her Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, I’m on the other side of the world in AFRICA. While yes, I am on the other side of the world, my life is not that vastly different from many of your lives. Well, besides the monkeys that I pass daily on the sidewalk. That never fails to make me smile.
So now in the next two months I am left with the tall order of somehow piecing together the conclusion of my novel. I’m still not sure what the plot line is or what the climax of the story is, but perhaps these things can only become clear with time and perspective. And unfortunately this heroine is filled not only with hope for the future, but also a great deal of confusion, as she faces the task of somehow finding her place again back home and somehow discovering the infamous “next step.” As my dad told me the other day, my life has been “like a jar of mucky pond water all shaken up recently.” Perhaps this is why I haven’t been doing a very good job of keeping this blog up-to-date (well I updated it earlier this month but it wasn’t a very good post). When you’re in a state of perpetual confusion, it’s difficult to write a coherent update of your life. And so I try to stay focused on my work (the dissertation is demanding a great deal of my time lately, as is the “part-time” job, which continues to be very interesting but time consuming) and try to keep things in perspective. After all, I am incredibly fortunate to have so many options laid out before me. I have met many people in my travels who would kill for the opportunities that I have been blessed with.
And so this heroine will continue to live life like a jar of mucky pond water, enjoying the confusion and the wonderful sense of feeling alive that comes hand in hand with confusion. And if all goes as planned, she will board that plane with a smile on her face and peace in her heart. Because alas, our naïve young heroine has perhaps taken a step towards finding herself, and in the process has certainly had the adventure of a lifetime.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
small things with great love.
I’m feeling less than inspired to write this, but figured I was overdue for an update. So I’m sitting in front of my computer screen, trying to think of some clever theme or anecdote that I can share. I thought of talking about race, something that I haven’t discussed much in my blogs, but which is an issue that is part of every aspect of life in South Africa. In fact, when I was looking for a new apartment last month, I was shocked to find how many people specified in their advertisements that they wanted a white roommate only. They would disguise it cleverly, by saying something like “this apartment would ideally suit a young white male or female professional” so that they didn’t have to outright say “whites only!” But it was there nonetheless. I actually emailed several of the people who placed these advertisements asking why they specified the preferred race of their potential roommate. None replied. Perhaps their silence speaks more than any reply could.
I thought of writing about crime, which is unfortunately also part of every aspect of life here. I was walking home from the university the other day and thought about how funny it is (perhaps funny isn’t the word…) how protecting myself against crime has become a very normal part of my day. For instance, I only walk on the side of the road facing traffic, so that if I’m approached by a suspicious vehicle I have time to react, rather than it coming up behind me and catching me by surprise. I’ve adjusted in other ways too. I never carry more than $10 on me. In fact I rarely carry a purse so that there is less for someone to grab. And I’ve thought many times of how I would react were someone to mug me. I actually had a very unsettling dream last night about being mugged at gun point, probably because such an event is a constant fear and something I regularly plan against. Strange enough, my dream took place in New York City, not in Durban. Crime is a universal problem, I suppose. Fortunately I have been very lucky and have had little experience with crime since I’ve been here (knock on wood). I had my cell phone stolen a year ago, and then in October my apartment was broken into and my laptop was stolen. A laptop seems very insignificant though when I think about how incredibly lucky I am that I was not asleep in my bedroom when the person broke in my bedroom window that night.
I also thought of writing about AIDS. In past blogs, I’ve barely discussed the issues surrounding AIDS in South Africa, a topic which I’ve learned a great deal about through my studies and my dissertation. I actually changed my dissertation topic about a month ago. I was making no progress with gaining access to do interviews in hospitals for my previous topic, so I switched the whole thing up. I joined a research project that was already underway. There’s a research organization at the University of KwaZulu-Natal called the Health Economic AIDS Research Division (HEARD). They conducted interviews 2 years ago looking at the impact of the provision of treatment for HIV/AIDS (Antiretroviral treatment) on the health systems in South Africa. Basically, they looked at whether or not the AIDS treatment programmes in South Africa were impacting the staffing, funding, and infrastructure of other health services. So they conducted these interviews, but no one ever analyzed or wrote them up. That’s where I come in. I received the complete data sets, and am now working on writing up a literature review, analyzing the interviews, and then writing up the discussions and conclusions that can be arrived at from the research. It’s interesting stuff, and I’ll fill you in more on it as I get further into the research. In terms of AIDS in South Africa, about 20% of all adults in the country are HIV+. 1000 people die in South Africa EVERY DAY from AIDS. 71% of deaths among those aged between 15 and 49 are caused by AIDS. A recent survey found that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping, or having barbeques. Twice as many people have been to a funeral in the last month than have been to a wedding. I could go on and on, but I think these statistics speak to the magnitude of the problem and the immediacy with which it needs to be addressed.
And then of course I thought of writing about development itself. Still not sure exactly what development is, or whether or not I agree with it or how I fit into the development of other countries. In my part-time work that I’ve taken on, I have found a route of development work that I really like. I’m working for a non-governmental organization called the Media in Education Trust. They do work to improve education, especially in rural areas, in South Africa. I’m working as a researcher, monitoring and evaluating a couple of their programs. My job is to assess the effectiveness of the programs, helping to determine how they can be improved. It’s interesting work, although I sometimes get frustrated because I’m still trying to find my place and my role in this job. But it’s great experience. In terms of development, I think education is the key to development of any country or any community. By building the capacity of the youth, you build the capacity of the country. Perhaps education is the key to addressing the issues I mentioned above of race, crime, AIDS, and development in South Africa. Look at that, a theme emerged for this blog afterall. So perhaps in a very small way I am helping to improve South Africa. I like to think that development work is simply doing what you can to improve life in your own little corner of the world. Small things with great love.
So that's the update for this month. Perhaps a bit scattered, but I touched on several of the important issues that this country is dealing with and that I have encountered in my everyday life. Of course much more can be said, but that is all for another time and another place. I hope this update finds you well, and that you too are able to find small ways of showing great love.
I thought of writing about crime, which is unfortunately also part of every aspect of life here. I was walking home from the university the other day and thought about how funny it is (perhaps funny isn’t the word…) how protecting myself against crime has become a very normal part of my day. For instance, I only walk on the side of the road facing traffic, so that if I’m approached by a suspicious vehicle I have time to react, rather than it coming up behind me and catching me by surprise. I’ve adjusted in other ways too. I never carry more than $10 on me. In fact I rarely carry a purse so that there is less for someone to grab. And I’ve thought many times of how I would react were someone to mug me. I actually had a very unsettling dream last night about being mugged at gun point, probably because such an event is a constant fear and something I regularly plan against. Strange enough, my dream took place in New York City, not in Durban. Crime is a universal problem, I suppose. Fortunately I have been very lucky and have had little experience with crime since I’ve been here (knock on wood). I had my cell phone stolen a year ago, and then in October my apartment was broken into and my laptop was stolen. A laptop seems very insignificant though when I think about how incredibly lucky I am that I was not asleep in my bedroom when the person broke in my bedroom window that night.
I also thought of writing about AIDS. In past blogs, I’ve barely discussed the issues surrounding AIDS in South Africa, a topic which I’ve learned a great deal about through my studies and my dissertation. I actually changed my dissertation topic about a month ago. I was making no progress with gaining access to do interviews in hospitals for my previous topic, so I switched the whole thing up. I joined a research project that was already underway. There’s a research organization at the University of KwaZulu-Natal called the Health Economic AIDS Research Division (HEARD). They conducted interviews 2 years ago looking at the impact of the provision of treatment for HIV/AIDS (Antiretroviral treatment) on the health systems in South Africa. Basically, they looked at whether or not the AIDS treatment programmes in South Africa were impacting the staffing, funding, and infrastructure of other health services. So they conducted these interviews, but no one ever analyzed or wrote them up. That’s where I come in. I received the complete data sets, and am now working on writing up a literature review, analyzing the interviews, and then writing up the discussions and conclusions that can be arrived at from the research. It’s interesting stuff, and I’ll fill you in more on it as I get further into the research. In terms of AIDS in South Africa, about 20% of all adults in the country are HIV+. 1000 people die in South Africa EVERY DAY from AIDS. 71% of deaths among those aged between 15 and 49 are caused by AIDS. A recent survey found that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping, or having barbeques. Twice as many people have been to a funeral in the last month than have been to a wedding. I could go on and on, but I think these statistics speak to the magnitude of the problem and the immediacy with which it needs to be addressed.
And then of course I thought of writing about development itself. Still not sure exactly what development is, or whether or not I agree with it or how I fit into the development of other countries. In my part-time work that I’ve taken on, I have found a route of development work that I really like. I’m working for a non-governmental organization called the Media in Education Trust. They do work to improve education, especially in rural areas, in South Africa. I’m working as a researcher, monitoring and evaluating a couple of their programs. My job is to assess the effectiveness of the programs, helping to determine how they can be improved. It’s interesting work, although I sometimes get frustrated because I’m still trying to find my place and my role in this job. But it’s great experience. In terms of development, I think education is the key to development of any country or any community. By building the capacity of the youth, you build the capacity of the country. Perhaps education is the key to addressing the issues I mentioned above of race, crime, AIDS, and development in South Africa. Look at that, a theme emerged for this blog afterall. So perhaps in a very small way I am helping to improve South Africa. I like to think that development work is simply doing what you can to improve life in your own little corner of the world. Small things with great love.
So that's the update for this month. Perhaps a bit scattered, but I touched on several of the important issues that this country is dealing with and that I have encountered in my everyday life. Of course much more can be said, but that is all for another time and another place. I hope this update finds you well, and that you too are able to find small ways of showing great love.
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