Two Weddings

They say that every girl dreams of her wedding day her whole life. To be honest, I don't think I was really that kind of kid growing up. Sure I'd given my someday-nuptials a passing thought here or there, but I had never put much concern into it. Getting married was something that grown-ups do and therefore something that I didn't need to worry about.

Had I been one of those little girls who had her whole wedding planned out by the age of 8, I don't think I could have in my wildest dreams imagined that I would someday have two wedding celebrations in two different languages, two different cultures, two different continents.

Our "white wedding" (this is what South Africans call the church wedding) took place in Rochester, NY on August 6, 2010. Langa and I agonized for the first few months of our engagement over where to have our wedding. Unfortunately, there was no possible solution that would incorporate all of our friends and families and cultural traditions in one location and one ceremony. In the end, we decided to have the white wedding in the US, followed by a traditional ceremony in South Africa. This seemed to be the best way to include as many of our loved ones as possible and also incorporate as many of our individual traditions as possible.


After a few months of long distance wedding planning (with much assistance from my amazing parents and sisters), Langa and I travelled to Rochester for our wedding, along with Langa's best friend Champ, his Aunt Sane, and his cousin Londi and her husbnad Sbu. The week before the wedding was a whirlwind of preparations. The day of the wedding was absolutely amazing and more perfect than Langa and I could have ever imagined.



The ceremony was perfect, filled with memorable readings and songs. There is a South African song called "Ndihamba Nawe" by Mafikizolo. It means "I'm going with you" and is often used in South African weddings. our wonderful friend Dave agreed to compose the song for his band (The Dave Savine Quartet) from listening to it on youtube, and our equally wonderful friend Jessie agreed to sing the Xhosa lyrics to the song. It was simply amazing and the perfect way to end our ceremony. It was such a joyful, wonderful day and we felt incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by so many amazing people who love and support us. And more than anything else, we had so much fun! Langa and I really felt so grateful to have friends and family join us from all over the country, and in fact from all over the world, to mark the beginning of our new journey together.

Fast forward one week and we were on a different continent heading to another wedding ceremony. The ceremony in Zulu is called ukugenisa umakoti ekhaya, which means "welcoming the bride home." Symbolically, it is the ceremony in which the groom's family welcomes his new wife into their family. Although Langa's family has always been incredibly welcoming and I've felt a part of the family for a while now, this was the day when I officially became a part of the Mchunu family.

As we drove up to Langa's mom's house in Umlazi (where the ceremony took place) I started panicking, saying to Langa "I can't do this! I don't want to get out of the car!" I was so nervous to participate in this ceremony which I didn't fully understand and didn't fully know what to expect. But slowly slowly as I exited the car, I started to see familiar faces. Several of my colleagues from work and several of my close friends were there. And Langa's granny came up to the car and took my hand. Langa's niece, who was acting as our flower girl, came to lead me to the tent. Langa's mother and aunt gave me hugs. Other family members came and greeted me as well. Everyone was singing a traditional Zulu wedding song and dancing. Truly, I felt welcomed into their home.

One of the traditions related to the ceremony was that I was meant to lead a goat to the house, and then it would be slaughtered in the backyard by Langa's older male relatives as a symbolic offering to the ancestors, letting them know that I am part of the family now. Rather than leading it (it was a very resistant goat... perhaps it knew what was coming), I just touched the rope, thus symbolically having a part in leading it to the house.












We then settled into a stunningly decorated tent. I must give props to Langa's mom who has an impeccable sense of style. She helped pick out the design for my dress for the traditional ceremony (which I love and hope to find an opportunity to wear again). She also had the tent in her front yard decorated beautifully. There were several speeches; one by the master of ceremonies (a male relative of Langa's) and by an elder in the family (Baba Mchunu) who led the traditional parts of the day. There was also a speech by the reverend who led us in our pre-marital counselling prior to the wedding and is also a relative of Langa's. He also had us renew our vows, which was very special because then our South African friends and family got to hear us say our "I do's." Other relatives spoke, including Langa's aunt and granny. Most of it was in English, but the bits that were in Zulu were translated for my benefit and for the benefit of other non-Zulu speaking guests. The speeches were broken up by outbursts of song and dance.

One of my favorite lines from the speeches was when Baba Mchunu said that Mchunu men can be difficult and stubborn and they sometimes misbehave. But one thing he knows for sure, is that when it comes time to pick out a wife, Mchunu men have very good taste. And they always select a very good woman, and a very tall woman. All of our guests got a good laugh out of this. I have to admit I'm a good head taller than most South African women, and many South African men as well for that matter. There's one picture from the ceremony where I'm walking into the tent, surrounded by people, and I look like a giant. One of my friends said "wow you must have had tall heels on!" I was wearing flats.

Following speeches and dinner, Baba Mchunu took the gall bladder from the slaughtered goat and placed a dot of its bile on my forehead, my thumbnails, and my toes. This was the culmination of the ceremony and was the official welcoming of me into the family and introducing me to the ancestors as a Mchunu. As I looked out at the crowd gathered, all of them smiling at me, I have to admit I was a bit overcome with emotion. When I think of the person I was when I first came to South Africa in 2005, when I returned in 2007, when I met Langa in 2007... it is amazing to think of the person I am now. Not to say that I have changed drastically, but rather to recognize the amount that I Have learned and grown. The amount that I have been challenged. The amount of love that I have experienced. It is truly stunning.

Langa and I both feel very grateful to have such wonderful, loving families on both sides of the world. It's really quite incredible to have families that are so accepting and that have welcomed us into their lives so warmly. And our two perfect wedding ceremonies demonstrated this for us.

Now we are settling into married life. I'm getting used to being Jaime Mchunu (I googled it and I think I'm the only person ever to have the name Jaime Mchunu). We are holding off on a honeymoon for now, although we did spend a 12 hour lay-over in Cairo on the way back to SA from the US. We got to see the pyramids and the Sphinx, and even got to ride camels. Not a bad mini-moon if you ask me.

And now, I've had my dream weddings that I never could have dreamt up in my wildest dreams. We're looking forward to the adventures that marriage has in store for us and the journeys that we'll take together. And we couldn't be happier.

Bafana Bafana

Two very unfortunate things have happened in my budding literary career... 1) I’ve stopped writing in my journal. After faithfully keeping a journal since my teenage years, in the past two years I have somehow stopped completely. And 2) I’ve stopped writing blog updates. Equally as tragic, I haven’t written a new blog in ten months. And somehow it seems that my life is passing, unrecorded. I’m not sure why I’ve stopped writing. Perhaps it’s because life here has become somewhat less shocking and new than when I first moved here.

But now I will commit myself to at least attempting to keep the blog more up-to-date. There is a lot to update you on from the last 10 months. Many of you will already know much of this, so you can just skim this update part and go onto the rest.

Let’s see... in September I travelled to a conference on Inclusive Education in Germany to present a paper that I co-authored on education strategies for children with disabilities in developing countries. The conference was in Dusseldorf, which I loved, and then after the conference I hopped on a train to Berlin to spend a couple days there. I really enjoyed what little I saw of Germany, and even got to use some of the limited German that I remembered from my high school days. But as is often the case with travelling, this brief visit gave me an itch for travelling and I hope to someday return to Europe and do some backpacking. We shall see...

Then in October, my boyfriend Langa popped the question! We are now in the midst of planning an August 2010 wedding in Rochester, NY, which will be followed by South African celebrations here later in 2010. It’s funny that I feel comfortable writing about my feelings of homesickness, my experiences of culture shock, my travel adventures, and all other emotions that I experience, but when it comes to mushy things like love, I feel less inclined to share my feelings on such a public forum. So let me just say, we are exceedingly happy and I can’t wait to be Mrs. Mchunu.

In December, Langa and I travelled with his best friend Nkululeko (also known by his nickname Champ) to America for a visit. During our one month in the US we travelled to Las Vegas, Philadelphia, DC, Delaware, New Jersey, New York City, Denver, and Rochester. It was a whirlwind visit, but we were able to see a lot of wonderful people and visit a lot of wonderful places.

So those are the big highlights from the last 10 months. Work is going well. I continue to work as a researcher. I am currently working on two projects: one looking at special education policy in KwaZulu-Natal province and the other monitoring our new HIV prevention programme in high schools. I really feel very fortunate to have had the chance to work at MIET for the last 2 years and have learned more than I ever imagined I could have.

So that is a very abbreviated version of what has happened since my last update in July 2009. And now onto what is most of interest to me (and to all of South Africa) at the moment... The 2010 Soccer World Cup! For those of you who don’t know, the World Cup will be hosted in South Africa next month, and South Africans have spoken of little else for the last 6 years. The big looming question now is whether or not South Africa is ready... will the transport system be able to handle the tourists? Will crime run rampant? Will all of the games sell-out?

Many South Africans have very strong opinions of the World Cup. I am a bit torn. On the one side there is the sceptic camp... those who see the millions of dollars that are being poured into building “world class” stadiums and wondering whether this money might be better used addressing the health, housing and education concerns of the country. There are other development issues connected to the World Cup... like the buses that will drive around the city picking up street children, who will then be dropped off outside of the city centre to present a better picture of South Africa for tourists; aka one without hungry children begging for food on street corners. Basically, trying to hide the poverty, rather than addressing the real issues that cause the poverty. And then the question of why the country can spend money improving the transportation and policing systems for tourists. Shouldn’t they have done this for South African citizens in the first place? Why do we need to wait until there are some foreigners who need to be transported and protected to improve services?

And then there is the vuvuzela blowing, flag waving side of the story. Hosting the World Cup is a great source of pride for South Africans, and for the African continent (this is the first World Cup ever to be held in Africa). Perhaps the event will increase tourism and increase respect internationally for South Africa. Every Friday, South Africans are encouraged to wear Bafana Bafana jerseys (Bafana Bafana is the name of the national soccer team and means "boys boys"). It is wonderful to walk around on Friday and see many people of all races wearing bright yellow shirts to show their pride in their country. And to see the South African flags waving out of car windows. This has been a wonderful example of positive nation-building. But as has been pointed out, national pride and impressive stadiums do not feed the hungry...

After 6 years of preparation... the World Cup will officially open in about 2 weeks time. Games will take place in various cities throughout the country for one month, culminating in the final match in Jo’burg in July. I’m hoping for a US-South Africa face-off in the final, but only time will tell. But after spending 6 years of preparation and 6 years of talking about little else besides the World Cup, the real question is... what will South Africans have to talk about after the World Cup is over???